omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
