just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
