Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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