Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
