Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
