Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
