Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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