So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
