my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
