HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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