opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
