My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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