Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
This is the high leading the old right now
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
