She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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