you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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