please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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