even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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