Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You are a genius and a whore.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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