Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
