Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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