I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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