Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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