Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
