Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
