do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
