strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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