Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Randomize
