I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
NoShamevember. You game?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
