Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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