You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
