Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I think my vagina is haunted
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
