that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
