this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
