Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
