im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
