You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
