They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
