The best revenge is premature balding
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
