someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
