fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Ladies don't puke and tell
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
