Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
