Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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