im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Randomize
