the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Me too!
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
