His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
