Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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