i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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