Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
