i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
