its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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