there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
