How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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