you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
ttyl tear gas
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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